I’m over here this week. Check out the group blog project I took part in for Less Clutter Less Noise by Kem Meyer. An excellent book on communications.
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Modern Day Plague
I came across the poem below on Tim Challies’ blog. It is an amazing yet frightening look into a devastating problem in our world. An epidemic that is commonly ignored and seldom talked about. A plague that wrecks more individuals and families lives than we may ever know. This poem speaks volumes from the side of the often overlooked victims of this horrific affliction.
“I Looked For Love in Your Eyes.”
I saved my best for you.
Other girls may have given themselves away,
But I believed in the dream.
A husband, a wife, united as one forever.
Nervous, first time, needing assurance of your love,
I looked for it in your eyes
Mere inches from mine.
But what I saw made my soul run and hide.
Gone was the tenderness I’d come to know
I saw a stranger, cold and hard
Distant, evil, revolting.
I looked for love in your eyes
And my soul wept.
Who am I that you cannot make love to me?
Why do I feel as if I’m not even here?
I don’t matter.
I’m a prop in a filthy play.
Not an object of tender devotion.
Where are you?
Years pass
But the hardness in your eyes does not.
You think I’m cold
But how can I warm to eyes that are making hate to someone else
Instead of making love to me?
I know where you are.
I’ve seen the pictures.
I know now what it takes to turn you on.
Women…people like me
Tortured, humiliated, hated, used
Discarded.
Images burned into your brain.
How could you think they would not show in your eyes?
Did you ever imagine,
The first time you picked up a dirty picture
That you were dooming all intimacy between us
Shipwrecking your marriage
Breaking the heart of a wife you wouldn’t meet for many years?
If it stopped here, I could bear it.
But you brought the evil into our home
And our little boys found it.
Six and eight years old.
I heard them laughing, I found them ogling.
Hands bound, mouth gagged.
Fisheye photo, contorting reality
Distorting the woman into exaggerated breasts.
The haunted eyes, windows of a tormented soul
Warped by the lens into the background,
Because souls don’t matter, only bodies do
To men who consume them.
Little boys
My little boys
Laughing and ogling the sexual torture
Of a woman, a woman like me.
Someone like me.
An image burned into their brains.
Will their wives’ souls have to run and hide like mine does?
When does it end?
I can tell you this. It has not ended in your soul.
It has eaten you up. It is cancer.
Do you think you can feed on a diet of hatred
And come out of your locked room to love?
You say the words, but love has no meaning in your mouth
When hatred rules in your heart.
Your cruelty has eaten up every vestige of the man
I thought I was marrying.
Did you ever dream it would so consume you
That your wife and children would live in fear of your rage?
That is what you have become
Feeding your soul on poison.
I’ve never used porn.
But it has devastated my marriage, my family, my world.
Was it worth it?
If you are struggling with porn, or seeking to help someone who is, there is help:
- Tim Chester, Closing the Window: Steps to Living Porn Free
- Tim Challies, Sexual Detox: A Guide for Guys who are Sick of Porn
- Brian Croft, Help! He’s Struggling with Pornography
Some free resources below:
- R. Albert Mohler Jr., “The Seduction of Pornography and the Integrity of Christian Marriage” (talk to college students: PDF, MP3)
- David Powlison, “Breaking Pornography Addiction” (article: part 1, part 2)
- David Powlison, Making All Things New: Restoring Pure Joy to the Sexually Broken(conference talk: audio, video, and chapter)
- John Piper, Battling the Unbelief of Lust (sermon in manuscript, audio)
- John Piper, A.N.T.H.E.M: Strategies for Fighting Sexual Lust (article)
- Mark Driscoll, Porn-Again Christian (free eBook)
- Rick Holland, A Biblical Strategy for Fighting Lust (conference talk; see relatedmanuscript)
The above material was originally listed at thegospelcoalition.org.
Another great resource is heartsupport.com. Please be aware and beware of this evil affliction that is decimating lives and relationships young and old
Do you know your chazown?
You were born with your own Chazown. Do you know what it is? First off we need to define the word. Chazown: (pronounced khaw-ZONE) from the Hebrew, meaning a dream, revelation, or vision. Now check out Craig Groeschel’s book “Chazown, Define Your Vision. Pursue Your Passion. Live Your Life on Purpose” for help finding your own personal chazown.
I have been truly inspired and challenged by Craig Groeshel’s preaching and the vision he has been given for LifeChurch. Their willingness to share the gifts, knowledge and creativity that God has given them is a lesson for all churches. But, I had not yet read any of Craig’s books until now. “Chazown” does not disappoint. Craig takes the reader through an easy, step by step of discovering God’s vision for your life that works for all, young or old, new or long time believer. “Chazown” is challenging, inspiring and affirming. I’ve read a lot of books on discovering purpose and I can’t find anything Craig missed in this journey.
Each of us has a chazown, as it has been said before “God don’t make junk.” He has created every one of us with a purpose in life whether we choose to discover that purpose and seize it is entirely up to us. “Chazown” can certainly be that next step for you.
For a brief word from Craig on “Chazown” watch the video below.
Thank you Craig for listening and obeying your chazown in writing this book. God Bless.
FTC DISCLAIMER: “I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review”.
Make a Difference…
So I have decided that my mantra for 2011 is “Be bolder in everything.” I’ll write more on that later, but one of the ways I intend to be bolder is in helping others not just within my circle of influence but outside it as well. With that in mind I am looking through the Gifts of Compassion Catalog trying to decide what I will purchase. If you haven’t seen it yet or heard of it please take a moment and check it out. For as little as $10 you can help make a difference in someones life. Also, take the time to pray and consider sponsoring a child at Compassion International. All it takes is $38 dollars a month to change a life forever.
I spend a lot of time on the roof and my shoes are full of sand…
The other day I was contemplating Proverbs 21:9 and 19 “It’s better to stay outside on the roof of your house than to live inside with a nagging wife.” And “It’s better out in the desert than at home with a nagging, complaining wife.”
Really? Is that sound marital advice? I can’t see paying a counselor to tell me “Well Mr. Phillips how’s your roof?” or “have you considered vacationing in the Sahara, alone?” That can’t be right. So, I started thinking would I really rather be on the roof or in the desert than to listen to my wife nag? Well, yea, probably. (ok, Jenni, don’t stop reading yet, I have a point here)
But, really, why would she be nagging me? Most likely, from something I have done to warrant it. What is it to nag? <Nag: verb – to find fault or complain in an irritating, wearisome, or relentless manner>. Notice the word wearisome. Ok guys it’s confession time how many of you cause your spouses to be weary from repeated asking or requesting? Please take out the trash etc. Ring a bell guys? I know I’m uber guilty. So is it better to get out the ladder and head to the roof or trek into the Sahara? Not really except when you consider how most of us guys respond to our wives “wearisome, relentless requests” What do we do fellas? Am I alone here? I usually ignore it or shove back and start some goofy, unnecessary argument over some simple request. I get all busy with some other “important” project, like writing this blog right now instead of the simple task my wife asked me to do about an hour or so ago. While I have known my wife to “nag”, I can’t think of a single time it wasn’t brought on by something I could have done to keep her from going that route.
So, gentlemen, are we better off rooftop or camel riding? No, not really but if we respond the way we normally do, maybe we are. Proverbs 18:22 says “A man’s greatest treasure is his wife– she is a gift from the LORD.” Shouldn’t we treat gifts from the Lord with love and cherish them? Shouldn’t we want to care for, serve and love our bride the way Christ cares for, serves and loves His bride (us, the Church)? So, here’s my challenge: for the next week super serve your wife. If she asks you to do something for her get up and do it, then, not when you get around to it. If she asked you to do it, it’s important to her. If it’s important to her it should be important to you. Or how about this, do something for her before she asks. Now, there’s a crazy thought. Let’s do it together, brothers.
FYI: If she asks why your doing this don’t tell her “because that stupid bald guy challenged me to!!” Tell her it’s because you love her and cherish her.
Far from God
I hate the phrase “far from God.” It implies that we could escape God. As much as we may try that is not possible. You could be far from His ways and teachings but as soon as you turn to Him He is right there to lift you up. You may have turned your back on Him but He is still pursuing your heart, let Him in.
It’s like the phrase “wherever you go there you are.” The same is true of Him “wherever you go there HE is.” We can’t escape His loving arms but we sure can and do waste a lot of time trying.
In this mortal life, He never leaves us. It doesn’t matter the circumstances of your conception, birth or upbringing. It doesn’t even matter what kind of a mess you have turned your life into, God created each and every one of us out of love. Because of that love for us all He sent His one only son to die for us so that we don’t have to. Would you sacrifice your only child for another person or people if you didn’t want them around?
You serve a purpose. You may not know what it is but God does. So, if He created us all and we were created for a purpose that He knows about how could we be far from Him? He planned us and has plans for us. That sounds like an investment on His part. Why not explore the possibilities? Invest in Him, He’s not far from you.
Live or die?
Do you know anyone that is just sitting around waiting to die? I see it all the time in people usually 40 or older that think their life’s goal or mission is over. Your life mission isn’t over until your life is over.
Their kids grow up and leave the nest so it’s all over, or they retire and act as if they have no purpose left in life. Even others, lose a loved one and act as if they are the one that has died. Then they all sit around waiting for death to take them.
It’s sad to see, really. This life is not over until the last breath escapes our bodies. But then there is an eternity to be spent where we choose to spend it. There is an eternal life or an eternal death. The first part of Psalm 49: 10 says “We see that wise people die, and so do stupid fools.” So, we all fit one of those two categories, either wise or stupid and both of those groups are going to die. John 5:24 tells us “…whoever hears my word and believes Him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned; he has crossed over from death to life.” (BTW, I’m not saying one belief or the other is wise or stupid. I know a lot of non-believers that are very intelligent and I know a lot of believers that aren’t playing with a full deck.)
I believe God can and will use each and every one of us even in the memory of others beyond our death. If we just open our hearts and minds to Him, He will enrich and fulfill our current lives beyond anything we could ever imagine.
I also believe there is evidence that God uses us all, whether we turn to Him or not. You may give in to the destructiveness of alcohol or drug addiction and your family or friends vow never to let it ruin their lives like it has yours. You may be mean and hateful or endlessly negative, causing others around you to not want to be like you. So, God can use that all to help and inspire others but why live as a bad example? Why let your life story be a “what not to do book”? Why not open up your heart and mind and become an active part of God’s kingdom building.
Of course now you may be saying “You don’t know what I’ve done.” Quite frankly, I don’t care and neither does God as long as you confess it to Him. Here’s a little secret: He already knows what you’ve done. And, He’s already forgiven it through His son Jesus. He’s just waiting for you to bring it to Him and confess it.
Trust me I spent many, many years of my life being a poster child for “What not to do” as a husband, father, friend, business owner, employer… you name it I’ve screwed it up in one way or another. Truthfully, I still screw up. We all do, but now I have some guidance and direction to get back on track where before I just plowed that train right through no matter who or what I took out in my path.
So, what do you say are you ready to keep on living? There’s more to life than “this life.” It’s not really over when it’s over. The Bible tells us there is an eternity. Where will you spend yours?
Answered Prayer?
Does God only answer the prayers of the believer?
Some would say scripture supports that only the prayers of the believer can and will be heard by God, other than the prayer of salvation of the non-believer.
Psalm 66:18 says, “If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened”. Isaiah 1:15 says, “When you spread out your hands in prayer, I will hide my eyes from you; even if you offer many prayers, I will not listen.” And Proverbs 28:9 has, “If anyone turns a deaf ear to the law, even his prayers are detestable.”
These scriptures might support that but can’t a believer also fit here? Can a believer “…cherish sin in his heart”? or “…turn a deaf ear to the law”? I have, and I don’t question my salvation, I know in my heart that Jesus Christ died for my sins as well as the sins of all man, even the ones that choose never to believe in Him. The difference is where that salvation will take me and where that missing salvation will take them. But, that’s another discussion. Let’s get back to prayer?
Now, I’m not talking about prosperity prayers or prayers that are self centered in nature. I don’t believe those are answered for anyone if it is outside God’s plan. I’m talking about righteous prayer that is in line with God’s will.
Long, before I was a believer I prayed for the safety of my wife and unborn daughter through a difficult child-birth. My daughter is now 18 years old, healthy and a faithful servant of Christ. Wait a minute, I’ve only been saved 4 1/2 years?!? But, isn’t that an answered prayer? I also added in “I’ll straighten up and change my ways…” Some would say I’ve done that and some would say that is an answered prayer for them too but that event occurred 14 years later. All in God’s timing not man’s, maybe? If, God had not answered that prayer, if Jenni or Marissa or both had not made it through would that have driven me further from God? Was this a coincidence or was this the starting point of a belief that would eventually emerge in my life. There were other times I prayed. I prayed for a safe return from The Gulf War. I made it home, some didn’t. That was even two years before that prayer for Jenni and Marissa. If I hadn’t prayed for that safe return or if God had ignored that prayer because I didn’t believe, where would I be? Where would Jenni be? Would Marissa be?Again, as far as we can tell, these prayers appear to line up with God’s will. You could say the prayer for a safe return was a selfish one but I had a wife, who would become an amazing sister in Christ, to return to. And a, yet to be conceived, daughter that is now turning into that same kind of woman. That is now an answered prayer of mine, albeit after the fact of my salvation.
Muscles don’t just appear one day. We have to build them. How can we build our faith muscles if we don’t excercise them? And how can we reach the strength to take that first huge step and ask for God’s forgiveness if we don’t exercise a little first? I’m not saying that’s all it takes but it’s a flex in the right direction.
God saved me from what I had turned my life into. I know that is an answered prayer of my wife’s. But, God gave me the life I was ruining. Maybe that initial life was an answer to someone else’s prayer. Where they a believer? Will they be someday because of that first step 40 some years ago?
What say you? Is prayer a private club only for the members that “said the oath” or is more than that? I would love to hear your thoughts.
Permission to Speak Freely
I just finished my review copy of “Permission to Speak Freely” by Anne Jackson. This book was birthed from a simple question posed on her blog FlowerDust.net a few years ago. “What is one thing you feel you can’t say in the church?”
With that one question Anne put a crack in a dam of sin and confessions flooded in from all corners of the world. “Permission to Speak Freely” has not only allowed a venue for these individuals to confess sin but it has uncovered how the church we have created has helped to create, perpetuate or hide these sins. I say the church we have created because I believe it is not the Church Jesus had in mind for us.
Through the stories in this book and the ones that continue to appear at Permissiontospeakfreely.com we see a church that is not always built on the love that Jesus teaches but one of ritualism, legalism and even of hate. I’m not speaking of one individual church but of the global church as a whole. I believe this church could align with the Church Christ had in mind if we as it’s body can just get our act together and start working as one in His light and not based on our own wishes, wants or understandings.
With the bravery and faith shown in confessing her own stories Anne shows how God can use our sin and repentance to reach out and help others with similar struggles. Thank you Anne for your honesty, strength, faith and for cracking this dam and let us all pray that it will continue to weaken and crumble until it is no more.
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze.com <http://BookSneeze.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
Empty Nest
I hate the term “empty nest”. Yesterday we took our daughter, Marissa, to Anderson University for her first year of college. Of course I’ve run through the whole gamut of emotions as I’m sure I will continue to do over the next few weeks, months or maybe years but over-all I’m good. After seeing her face the first time I visited the campus with her and the peace that came over me for her while there I could’t help but be ok with it. I’m secure in the knowledge that that is where God has led her to be.
But “empty nest” implies a loss. While I am currently experiencing an absence of her in our home at the same time I am experiencing a fullness of her in my heart. I’ve heard many people describe this moment as if a piece of you has been removed or of having this hole in your heart. I don’t see it that way though. My daughter was and still is instrumental in the expansion and growth of my heart. If it weren’t for her and my wife and the unconditional love they poured into my life I may never have discovered and better understood the love that Jesus has for us all. I look at it more as my heart is being stretched to a larger capacity (over 86.41 miles to be exact). My love for Marissa is growing stronger and becoming more evident in her (temporary) absence.
I am so proud of her for the faith, strength, courage, discernment and wisdom she has displayed over the past few years. She has become such an amazing young lady. I feel that we have prepared her the best we could but more importantly, I know God has prepared her. So, I may be a little sad but I have no fear for her.
I can’t wait to see what’s next… (I love you Boo)
Help Rick go to Peru
